3 Month Anniversary!

Happy May Day - I've made it!  

It's been 3 months today since my hysterectomy! 

I can't say that I feel 100% better.  

More like I traded a huge set of problems for some new ones.  

I think (?) I am glad that I had the surgery done - I guess I didn't have much of a choice, but man this has been tough!

It feels like everyone around me expects me to be back to normal.  I know this isn't really the case but I'm comparing it to how when you tell someone who doesn't see you everyday that you are pregnant.  And you wait a very, very long 9 months to have that beautiful baby.  Then that person says, "Already?  Wow, that went by fast for me!"  

Well, of course it did, you weren't the one growing a new person inside of you!

I thought I was having a heart attack on Friday.  So much so that I made Lauren leave the store with me and we drove straight to the hospital.  And of course everything was fine by the time I got there.  I did meet with a great doctor later that afternoon who gave me a kind but stern reminder that I was expecting WAY too much out of myself WAY too soon.  Full recovery for having multiple organs ripped from your body via two abdominal surgeries in four months should be more like a year.  Not three months. 

I'm just doing the best I can.  This new thing of anxiety and panic attacks have been the worst.  If people around me don't understand, that's fine.  I don't need them to and they can think what they want.  I'm just going on a day to day basis around here of what I can and cannot do.  It's the only way I seem to be able to function and keep the shred of sanity that I have left for the time being.

Thank goodness for my mom and Dan who listen to me complain and be sad that I am not "me" yet.  Sometimes just saying things out loud make it better, you know?

I've become a bit of a recluse.  I have this fear now since the surgery of being in places that I can't get out of or leave quickly from.   

Rumor has it that when I was put under I really fought against getting on the surgical table, which doesn't surprise me.  I was scared to death and one of my favorite phrases is "You're not the boss of me." 

We had dinner with our friends the Troxels on Sunday night and Kjersten gave me the book "Heaven is Here" by blogger Stephanie Nielson to read.  (Nie Nie)  

I know everyone knows her story.  

But I finished the book in two days - it was exactly what I needed to read this week.  

Patience 

Blessings 

Being grateful for what I have 

Things can always be worse and they will get better 

Did I mention patience?  

I'm working on it.

Made It To the Other Side!

There is no other way to really say this, but I would be perfectly fine pretending like last month never happened. 

I spent 7 weeks without a washer or dryer that worked, hauling my clothes over to my parents home several times weekly. Thankfully, this has been resolved!

I was denied my surgery by my insurance company.  Then I was told I needed to have a surgery to PROVE I needed to have the surgery.  I dreaded waiting around for pain that I KNEW was coming, I just never knew when.  STRESSFUL.

My hair started falling out.  Most people might not notice but when I'm pulling it out in clumps or seeing it all over the bathroom counters and floors, I know it's happening.  Apparently a lovely reminder of my gallbladder surgery in October and quite common?  Which is fine, except for when it happens to you.  So I started wondering if I would be bald this summer after having two more rounds of anethesia!  

I cut 4 inches off my hair to make it not seem so bad.

I have an amazing doctor (she delivered Graham and Greg and now specializes...I am so lucky!) who called my insurance company and told them "No way Jose, she needs one surgery and she needs it NOW."  

I wonder if a male doctor would have done this?  

So after over a year of going into episodes of screaming, doubled over, cannot walk, move pain, trips to the ER and generally feeling like death....I went in for my hysterectomy on February 1st.  

I worried myself sick over it.  

What kind of incisions I might wake up to, how I would recover afterwards, if people helping would remember to put a bow in Lauren's hair.  You know, important stuff.  I was wondering if I would feel broken having my uterus ripped out and sweet Dan told me, "Why?  It was great when we needed it and now we're done with it...get it out!"  

I cried like crazy that morning...surgery is scary.  Waking up from surgery is even scarier.  I take forever to wake up....(2 hours this time) But really, this went 100 times better than expected, the nurse put the IV in one painless shot (13 sticks with Greg!) and according to the OR room dr.'s, I have some pretty serious opinions about what a skank Ke$ha is.  

I was home a little more than 24 hours later.  Only 3 tiny scars to prove it!  My sweet in laws kept the minis all weekend long.  Amazing women friends from my church brought us dinner every night for a week.  

The recovery pain was LESS than what I was having to deal with every month.  I got caught up on New Girl and Nashville. I did not die.  (Whew!) I am so grateful to sweet friends and my mom who stopped by, brought me trashy magazines to read or called to check on me. 

Looking forward to feeling better this spring! 

And wearing pants that zip and button again.  

Catching Up

Last I posted we were having a grand time with the kids being off track.  Then two days later I ended up in the emergency room.  

If you are ever trying to make it to the emergency room in a hurry - do not have your mother drive you.  She will go into panic/auto mode which will make her car drive you to the nearest shopping center.  :)

I've been having problems with my gallbladder for about a year now and finally was scared into avoiding anything and everything that might aggravate it.  No cheese, butter, creamy stuff, sauces, very little dairy...you get the picture.  Which has resulted me losing a considerable amount of weight - but the more I lost, the more frequent the attacks.  So that sucker came out the next morning and the after 1 painkiller and a weekend at home, I was feeling great!  

Dan took pictures - this is where that picture would go if I wasn't horrified by this. 

GROSS.

It's nice not to feel scared of when that might happen to me again!

We celebrated Graham's 10th birthday!  

 

He didn't want a big party this year, just to go to Boondocks with his 2 best buddies.  We had a blast and it was a great birthday for him!  

We are so proud of Graham, he is such a sweet and considerate boy and is a grand negotiator.  He can always think of five different ways to do something better or more efficiently.  

(If only he would apply this to his room cleaning skills, right?)

 

And smart!  He was selected to attend the gifted science symposium with our school district in the spring and he is so excited about that!

And since we needed more excitement in our lives with such a boring month (ha!) we bought this precious girl.  Meet Miss Darcy, Duchess of Knightsbridge!  She is a King Charles Cavalier and is the sweetest puppy!  

Cavaliers come from England - and if they were good enough for Queen Victoria, they are good enough for me.  

Thus the name "Darcy" (get it...as in THE Mr. Darcy, but.. she's a girl)  and I am obsessed with all things English.  Knightsbridge was a favorite area of mine to spend a Saturday afternoon when I lived in London.  

We looked for about a year to find the dog in the breed we wanted and a tri-color (at the right price!)

Isn't she the sweetest?  We love her to death!  I will love her even more when she stops biting my toes and eating Lauren's headbands.